Yoga is supposed to make you feel good. It is supposed to clear out tension blockades, release energy to flow like fresh mountain spring water and open up, relax and harmonize the body. It is true that the practice of yoga can accomplish corporeal and spiritual magic, but if the yogis around me have their feet twice wrapped around their heads while I struggle to bend over, angst becomes the order of my day.

Yoga is not supposed to be a competitive sport (though I have heard of yoga competitions).  If only taking off my westernized, capitalistic view point was as easy as taking off my shoes and socks at the studio door. I bring my perspective with me and it causes me to suffer and because they keep reminding you to be in the present moment, I am much more aware of this suffering then I would usually be. From my vantage, most of the people in my yoga classes are “better” then me. They are more flexible and more balanced. They can do the poses as shown without the support of the three bricks, two blankets, a strap and a crane. I know that I should love and honor my body where it is at, but it is difficult when it appears that the bodies around me are in better places. Sometimes the flexy bodied people make inane comments and then I feel a bit better. “They may be more flexible, but they are a bit idiotic.” It is a small and dark comfort.

I see them in headstands, their bodies taut and balanced, their shoulders limber and strong and I try not to hate them. I resist the childish urge to knock them over like a stack of blocks. I try to distract myself with sexy thoughts of the instructor, something I am an experienced expert at. Sadly even that leads to pain as I realize that a yoga instructor would want to have superhuman, inverted, levitating yoga sex. I probably wouldn’t be up for it and who wants all those yoga blocks in bed anyway?

And then, when I have myself worked up into a respectable tizzy I remember who I should really be comparing myself to; my neurotic family. They are charming folk, all of them, and they can’t help it if they make more money then me, drive nicer cars, vote Republican and only recycle if a hippy stars knowing on their legs. All of them, with the exception of my 2-year old nephew, are stiffer then me. They have superbly tight and knotty hips and hamstrings and practically have to UPS their socks to their feet in the morning. They have more energy blockages then the 405 Freeway at 7:30. My father who has taken up yoga in his 60’s cannot sit in simple cross legged pose without several assistive devices.

When you are dating someone you can look at their parents to see what you might be waking up to in 25 years. In this way I look at the members of my family, particularly the older ones, to see the conditions and maladies that I want desperately to avoid. I’d like to avoid osteoporosis, limited movement, pain and the inability to have a conversation without quoting conservative talk radio. I try to keep my eye (both inner and outer) on this prize as I twist and strain and attempt to transform my body into a flexible, harmonious playground.

I know, I know, I’m not supposed to compare myself to other people, even my own family, but I consider this a stepping stone on the long path to enlightenment. I often dedicate my practice to my older self. The self that I hope will be more enlightened, agile, and active for a very long time to come.

To the casual observer it would seem that housekeeping and physical flexibility don’t have much to do with each other; with the possible exception of twisting yourself into knots trying to nab the dust bunnies behind your couch. In fact, stretching is one of the best ways to tidy up and set right a disorganized body. A well designed flexibility program lengthens the body, opens up the joints and returns us to a natural posture. A well stretched body is much like a freshly cleaned house just before the first party guests arrive, primed and ready for anything. Putting away your socks and taking the dirty dishes to the sink also keeps the body warm, which makes stretching more effective. When used in an interval fashion both of these modes compliment and intensify the effectiveness of the other.

I have recently developed a “stretch and straighten” routine that I do most mornings. The basic format includes two stretches, done back to back and then two items put away. I then repeat the same two stretches; attempting to go a bit deeper the second time around, and then return two more items to their proper places. I do 10 different moves, twice each for a total of 20 stretches and put away at least as many errant objects. I hold each stretch for 15 to 60 seconds.

After the workout my body feels limber and loose and my bedroom looks great, the floor as clear and uncluttered as my mind. This system works best for the type of person who enjoys multi-tasking and who doesn’t feel wrenched when switching between different activities.

Here are a few guidelines for creating your own “stretch and strengthen” routine:

Choose stretches that work more then one muscle group or target flexibility and balance at the same time. This will save you time and keep you challenged. It’s a good idea to take a few yoga classes and borrow some of their moves as most yoga stretches are multi-dimensional. It also helps to choose moves that flow from one to the other. This will make the routine more enjoyable and effective. An example from yoga that illustrates this is a downward dog into a cobra. Pick up a yoga or flexibility book to get lots of ideas and for quick reference.

Be flexible with yourself on the tiding part of the routine. If you accidentally get caught up in doing all the dishes and lose the flow of your stretching just turn off the sink and come back to it. The dishes will wait for you to complete your next two moves. Also, don’t try to do any major housecleaning while you are doing your routine. It’s more about eliminating clutter and creating order and less about sponges and giant bottles of 409.

Put the stretches that you really enjoy at the beginning and end of your routine. You will remember these most and they will keep you coming back. It is also important to choose moves that target the areas that you are tightest. For most people this is the long muscles of their legs (hips, hamstrings, quadriceps and calves) and spine.

My routine:

Warm-up:

Body Lengthening: reaching one arm at a time toward the ceiling.

Mountain Pose

Runner’s calf stretch (up against a wall)

Pick-up 2 items

Hanging shoulder stretch (arms on my dresser)

Forward bending

Pick-up 2 items

Arms overhead side bend

Half-nelson shoulder stretch

Pick-up 2 items

Standing hip stretch (with opposite twist) both sides

Backward bend

Pick up two items

Angry cats (on my bed)

Baby pose (on my bed)