To the casual observer it would seem that housekeeping and physical flexibility don’t have much to do with each other; with the possible exception of twisting yourself into knots trying to nab the dust bunnies behind your couch. In fact, stretching is one of the best ways to tidy up and set right a disorganized body. A well designed flexibility program lengthens the body, opens up the joints and returns us to a natural posture. A well stretched body is much like a freshly cleaned house just before the first party guests arrive, primed and ready for anything. Putting away your socks and taking the dirty dishes to the sink also keeps the body warm, which makes stretching more effective. When used in an interval fashion both of these modes compliment and intensify the effectiveness of the other.

I have recently developed a “stretch and straighten” routine that I do most mornings. The basic format includes two stretches, done back to back and then two items put away. I then repeat the same two stretches; attempting to go a bit deeper the second time around, and then return two more items to their proper places. I do 10 different moves, twice each for a total of 20 stretches and put away at least as many errant objects. I hold each stretch for 15 to 60 seconds.

After the workout my body feels limber and loose and my bedroom looks great, the floor as clear and uncluttered as my mind. This system works best for the type of person who enjoys multi-tasking and who doesn’t feel wrenched when switching between different activities.

Here are a few guidelines for creating your own “stretch and strengthen” routine:

Choose stretches that work more then one muscle group or target flexibility and balance at the same time. This will save you time and keep you challenged. It’s a good idea to take a few yoga classes and borrow some of their moves as most yoga stretches are multi-dimensional. It also helps to choose moves that flow from one to the other. This will make the routine more enjoyable and effective. An example from yoga that illustrates this is a downward dog into a cobra. Pick up a yoga or flexibility book to get lots of ideas and for quick reference.

Be flexible with yourself on the tiding part of the routine. If you accidentally get caught up in doing all the dishes and lose the flow of your stretching just turn off the sink and come back to it. The dishes will wait for you to complete your next two moves. Also, don’t try to do any major housecleaning while you are doing your routine. It’s more about eliminating clutter and creating order and less about sponges and giant bottles of 409.

Put the stretches that you really enjoy at the beginning and end of your routine. You will remember these most and they will keep you coming back. It is also important to choose moves that target the areas that you are tightest. For most people this is the long muscles of their legs (hips, hamstrings, quadriceps and calves) and spine.

My routine:

Warm-up:

Body Lengthening: reaching one arm at a time toward the ceiling.

Mountain Pose

Runner’s calf stretch (up against a wall)

Pick-up 2 items

Hanging shoulder stretch (arms on my dresser)

Forward bending

Pick-up 2 items

Arms overhead side bend

Half-nelson shoulder stretch

Pick-up 2 items

Standing hip stretch (with opposite twist) both sides

Backward bend

Pick up two items

Angry cats (on my bed)

Baby pose (on my bed)

By nature I am taut beast and inhabit a body that without vigilant lengthening likes to bunch up. Despite this fact, I have never found a flexibility program that I could stick too for more than a week. The issue became even more pressing a few years back when I hit thirty and began noticing that I was waking up stiff; even when I hadn’t done an outrageous workout the day before. With the help of denial, one of my top three coping mechanisms, I learned to live with being a grumpy 80-year-old man for the first 15 minutes of the day.

In my quest to loosen the heck up I tried yoga, but could never get into the groove of it. I found it difficult to surrender such large chunks of time to something that didn’t involve a ball or any opportunities for high-fives and beer. The type of people who tend to gravitate to yoga also irritated me and made me feel even more tense. I wanted to wrap their hemp, patchouli smelling yoga mats around their beatific faces and squeeze with all the power of my mighty and stiff muscles. I’m still looking for a beginning yoga class specifically designed for people who hate people who like yoga.

My other strategy was to buy stretching books and leave them by my bed. This hasn’t worked very well either, though I always have something flat to write on in a pinch. One of my pet peeves with stretching manuals is that nobody in them really needs to stretch. Every model pictured is already human taffy and probably would remain more flexible then me for the rest of their days if they never did another downward dog (or “bend and grunt” as I like to call it).

I think learning to incorporate stretching and flexibility into your life is something like quitting smoking, you have to try a bunch of times before you get it right. You also have to do it long enough to get results, which for me include a springy, light feeling that I don’t get with other kinds of workouts. It is also good to know that before I plop my rump down at the computer for the first part of my day that I have taken steps to avoid turning into a human question mark.

Recently I have hit upon a stretching routine that is actually working for me and I want to share it with all my comrades in pre-rigamortis. Stay tuned for “Straight, Supple and Feeling Fine” and sit up straight!

     Sports movies can captivate and inspire us at anytime, but they are especially potent when we are 12. Our kiddo selves don’t pick apart obvious plot twists, feel manipulated by overly dramatic musical anthems or stop to wonder about the improbability of certain scenarios. “Vision Quest” is a movie that I loved as a much younger, aspiring athlete and I hoped with the innocent heart of a child that my old favorite had not aged as badly as an old wrester’s knees.
     I’m happy to report that Vision Quest is everything a 1980’s sporty melodrama should strive to be and more. It takes place in Spokane, Washington and stars a very young and super fit Modine in one of his first leading roles. Modine plays Louden Swain, an unassuming 18-year-old who wants take on “Shute”, the state’s best wrester. Shute is rumored to eat kitten ears for breakfast and likes to train while balancing telephone poles on his back. As Louden’s wise short-order cook mentor says so well, “This might be the sort of move that a reasonable man would want to avoid.”
     Indeed the odds are stacked against our questor as he tries to lose an obscene amount of weight (to make the 168-pound category), dodge the advances of a gay tai chi master, score the hot she-drifter who happens to have moved into his bedroom (see above for improbable scenarios) and get his article on the clitoris finished for the school paper; all while preparing for the wrestling match of a lifetime.
     Luckily, Louden does not have to do it all alone. A quirky cast of characters and some of the most inspiring hair music of the 80’s are there to help him through the rough patches. We can’t help but be lifted as Survivor and Louden, sporting his shiny silver and red rubber track suit, run together through the dark city streets. Heat stroke, dehydration and metabolic failure be damned! Together we can do this.
     The wresting sequences are beautifully shot and do justice to the incredible strength and fitness of any solid high school wrestler. These guys (and now girls) demonstrate the awesomeness that can be achieved with basic equipment like a jump rope, a pull up bar and a person’s own weight (check out the scene of them doing sit-ups on each other’s backs). These are functional athletes who balance strength, flexibility, endurance and the confidence to wear man leotards while going through puberty.
     I’ll skip being tossed like a sack of potatoes on a regular basis, but it is important for all of us to be fit enough to avoid and recover from falls. And working out with a purpose and a vision, it sure beats the alternative. Training like a wrestler is not a bad idea, just skip the singlet and cauliflower ears.