Breasts make terrible workout partners. They are lazy, clingy and almost entirely dependent on their owners for support. Though often lovely, breasts contain absolutely no muscle tissue and are incapable of independent local motion. Unfortunately, breasts are highly capable of being moved by outside forces. One British Study conducted by sports bra maker Shock Absorber found that for every step taken the average, unsupported breast moves nine centimeters!

A lifetime of unsupported bouncing can damage the breast’s natural support structures and lead to irrevocable sagging. Pain is another regrettable side effect that leads many women to curtail their activity levels. High impact activities such as running, soccer or jump rope are particularly brutal for the innocent breast.

So what is an energetic, athletic girl on the go to do? Read on for helpful tips on finding the support you need and deserve.

One easy way to test your bra is to run down a set of stairs. Next run down that same set of stairs with your arms crossed and holding your breasts (left arm to right breast and right arm to left breast). If you bounced significantly more the first time down (without manual support) you need a different bra.

Try on several types and brands of sports bras and bounce around the store. Mimic what you will be doing on the field or court and find the bra that limits movement the most (warning: this will most likely be the most hideous; in the sports bra world there is an inverse relationship between form and function).

Don’t be afraid of tightness. A good compression bra (the kind with one compartment) often feels like a spandex corset. Give yourself a chance to get used to this feeling and remember that you only have to wear the bra during very high impact activities.

Buy the right bra. Compression works best for A and B cups and compartment bras (which look more like traditional bras) work best for larger breasted gals.

Don’t be afraid to spend some money. Like good shoes good, sports bras are expensive. Unfortunately unlike shoes, they rarely go on sale. Remember this is an important piece of sports equipment that is protecting an important part of you. Don’t skimp on yourself.

Downgrade (to less bouncy activities) and eventually toss your sports bras as they weaken. This can be difficult as you will inevitably have favorites. Old sports bras often have productive second careers as everyday bras.

Links:
http://www.titlenine.com/: The best bras I’ve ever worn. They have a cool rating system that allows you to select bras based on your needs and breast size. They have a store in Berkeley.

www.shockabsorber.co.uk/: An excellent sports bra manufacturer based in the UK . Check out the bounce-o-meter and you will never run unsupported again.

http://www.lessbounce.com/: A wide selection of sports bras to choose from.

I got goose bumps when I saw Abe Lincoln’s ball at the Oregon Historical Society’s exhibit of sport’s greats. It was made of deep brown leather, worn dark and shiny from presidential sweat and pounding. The famous ball is now retired and rests in a protective Plexiglas case, never to bounce again. That part was a little sad.

So what did Abe Lincoln do with his brown leather ball? Turns out he loved “fives” a game much like modern day handball or racquetball without the racquets. In this game teams of two used speed, strength and guile to try and slap the ball against the wall and out of the lunging reach of the other team. For a time starved up and coming politician the game was very convenient and could be played against walls and the sides of buildings.

Though by all accounts Mr. Lincoln was a workaholic before the word was coined, he loved to sneak out during the day for a game of “fives”. Recalled Dr. Preston H. Balhace, “When Mr. Lincoln went to the printing office for a talk or to get a lot of newspapers he often joined the boys in a game of “fives”…which furnishes a very active and exciting contest.”

Court Clerk Thomas W.S Kidd also watched Lincoln tear it up on the court, “(He was) as vigorously engaged in the sport as though his life depended on it. He would play until nearly exhausted.” According to Kidd Lincoln played “not only for the sport afforded but for the better reasons that they gave him recreation from office labor and the menial toil he made in the studious preparations for his professional duties.

Abe Lincoln, arguably one of the greatest Presidents that ever lived, a man whose day to day stresses were Atlas like, recognized the importance of physical activity and the incredible release it provides from the grind.

And if the modern wage slave sometimes feel cramped, tired and in the mood to knock off people’s hats after a long day at the office imagine what if felt like for Mr. Lincoln. He was a man who came later to the relatively sedentary pursuits of law and politics and grew up splitting wood, farming, wrestling and generally running amok in the wide open country.

So the next you feel the burdens of the work a day world piling up and the awful fatigue of office toil do like Mr. Lincoln did. Find some friends and a ball that bounces and have a game. If President Lincoln can make time to work out in his busy country uniting, slavery busting schedule to play so must you!

Philosopher, pacifist and all around mighty thinker Bertrand Russell believed that within each of us lives a savage. According to Uncle Bert this savage must find expression through some means compatible with everyday life or things are going to get ugly. He suggested sports and other forms of physical activity as the best way to express the savage without getting thrown in jail. Problem is most workout plans are anything but savage; they are tame, civilized and stuffy as Babbit on a Monday morning.

Recognizing your inner savage isn’t difficult. She’s the one that wants to guzzle red Gatorade till it gushes down her naked chest or get exceedingly dirty tearing through muddy fields. This is the beastie that would rather tip over a Stairmaster then step on it. She can’t count and doesn’t know a set from a rep. She never follows directions or stresses about getting in twenty minutes of moderate cardiovascular exercise three times a week. This beast would rather chase the surgeon general around his desk then listen to his recommendations for longevity.

It is very difficult to exercise your beast and do a savage workout in most gyms. Gyms are highly civilized places. Some rules are posted on the wall but there is an even longer list that is invisible. These are rules like don’t make loud noises, don’t do an interpretive dance with your workout towel in the stretching area and don’t pull out every single weight from the rack to build Iron Henge. People stare at you if make the wrong kind of noises at the gym. They expect you to do standard movements that don’t frighten them. They get uncomfortable with too much jumping, chasing, crawling or cartwheeling. Basically gyms have all the rules and repression of the average work place, but you have to pay to be there. Don’t get me wrong, gyms serve a useful purpose and have there place; but sometimes you gotta get out.

Here are a few tips for injecting some rabid into your physical life:

Free at last!
For heavens sake get out of the gym (see above)! Most have a strong anti-savage vibe. They want to pack as many rule following, dues paying suckers into the smallest space possible. Get outside, go home or find another space that will let you run around and raise a ruckus.

Exercise naked
This works best at home, but if you live some place rural you could also do it outside (don’t forget the sun-block). I personally love to weight lift topless. If you have never had a drop of sweat run from your brow all the way down to your toes you are missing out.

Get loud
I had to practice screaming at the top of my lungs several times before I could actually do it. The first time is especially difficult. We are taught from a very young age to shut the heck up and this training runs deep. Of course, choose your location wisely for this one. If primal screaming isn’t your bag try grunting, groaning or growling. Pretending to be different animals can be helpful and entertaining. If you are too embarrassed to try this even by yourself, then you should definitely do it anyway.

Get prehistoric
If you are a gym-goer try to get through an entire workout without counting or tracking time, sets or reps. Instead of counting concentrate on how your body feels. You may wonder how you will know that you have completed your workout without any counting. Good question!

Fire is fun!
If you have been doing a particular workout for a while write it down nice and neatly on a piece of paper. Then burn it. Imagine what a fire starting savage would do instead. Then do it.